Index

• Realizations
• Solutions
• Conslusions
• Therapy
• Weight
• Resources
• Healthcare Professionals

Index Summaries: 1)Realizations I had a ramp-up with issues when I decided to enroll into College at 26. Oddly enough, the issues had less to do with College and more to do with my Mom & her New Husband, then you compact the schedule of college + work & graduating into the pandemic and it became a deep boiling meltdown. The first year of college is easy. Everyone is excited for you, you're excited for yourself. it feels amazing to pass the first year with flyng colors. I remember when I started college, I was very excited to focus and prove my prior education wrong for labeling me an idiot and placing me in spoeical education, which over all, inhibitated my education I later learn when the Highschool issued an IQ exam for me. I was 13, with the conprhension level of a 35 yr old. What does that mean in numbers? comprehension 135, education 101 = IQ average level 117. Am I average? Am I a dumbfuck? Or is any part of me smart and maybe intelligent? The hell if I knew. I was intense in college: 26, A Honoral, 4.0 GPA, Presidents List. I was stoked out of my mind to be doing acedemic learning and be "good at it" ! The real problems started to happen in the second year. Second year is bizare and uncomfortable. Munchkin bengal, but bengal american shorthair. Burmese maine coon malkin or cornish rex or birman but maine coon, but birman. Panther puma thai.

I had a ramp-up with issues when I decided to enroll into College at 26. Oddly enough, the issues had less to do with College and more to do with my Mom & her New Husband, then you compact the schedule of college + work & graduating into the pandemic and it became a deep boiling meltdown. The first year of college is easy. Everyone is excited for you, you're excited for yourself. it feels amazing to pass the first year with flyng colors. I remember when I started college, I was very excited to focus and prove my prior education wrong for labeling me an idiot and placing me in spoeical education, which over all, inhibitated my education I later learn when the Highschool issued an IQ exam for me. I was 13, with the conprhension level of a 35 yr old. What does that mean in numbers? comprehension 135, education 101 = IQ average level 117. Am I average? Am I a dumbfuck? Or is any part of me smart and maybe intelligent? The hell if I knew. I was intense in college: 26, A Honoral, 4.0 GPA, Presidents List. I was stoked out of my mind to be doing acedemic learning and be "good at it" ! The real problems started to happen in the second year. Second year is bizare and uncomfortable. At this time I was still delivering Newspapers and dressing up to the nines+ when going to college yet the constant studying was exhuasting and I noticed a lot of people dropped out of college and other people were feeling the stress of a four year dedication sink in. It's also when I noticed a ramp-up in my Step-Dad sexualizing me. He was annoying, loud, stupid and a slob. The typical kind of guy you wouldn't be surprised was hitting on younger women... in front of my own Mom no less. All of this boiled down in year 3 where the Step-Dad was pissed I wasn't accepting his advances, he'd accuse me of eating his food, not cleaning the dishes (like a woman should), jiggling my door knob after Mom went to bed (by this point I was locking it, obviously) then you compound that I owe the college $2K in four months and I start working 2 part time jobs. I didn't have a day off that whole winter semester. I slept in 20 minute intervuals. I didn't eat, I lived at the library, I never went home because step-dad would scream, yell and verbally abuse me while my Mom stood by. I would go to work at 5am, finish at 8am- drive to class for 9am, then back to back classes, sleeping and studying. I would try to stall going home until midnight when I knew neither the step-dad or mom could or would be awake. Except, of course that jackass would stay up on occasion "just to say hi" when I walked in at midnight. I finally got a job at Home Depot where I worked 1st night shift 6-11pm. I was absolutely fried and I still had one more year to go. This is the year which caused my offical burnout, anxiety disorder, short term memory loss, inability to look at clocks, sleeping in my truck and never sleeping well. You know lack of sleep makes you crazy right? But do you know what it feels like to slowly lose your saneity while "trying to keep it together'? Probably not. I will never be able to full encapsulate the emouint of stress I endured for the signficant time it stratched on and on. They'll say "It feels like I'm drowning" and mine was "I'm dead 'n gone where I stand".

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